Why People Pleasing gets you LESS Love

Most of us fall into people pleasing now and then. But for some people, that's all they do. When it comes to a certain relationship: often a significant other, or a grown child, we may go above and beyond, catering to their every need, trying to make them happy. We want so much for them to finally appreciate us. Besides, it feels good to help. So why is it that the person we want approval from the most treats us with contempt? Shouldn't being kind be the way to earn us the love we so deeply desire?

In a word, no. Being a people pleaser puts a person as the low status person in a relationship. This video describes why:

Doing more will not get you what you long for. Consider what it says about your view of your own status, if you believe you have to perform and please another to be worthy of the relationship. When we give, it should be a gift, not a plea for love. I've learned in my work that using EMDR that we can work through the self-esteem issues from our past. Over time and with persistent exploration, our self-esteem can shift. As we learn to appreciate ourselves, others learn to do the same. We can finally get that love and approval we've always wanted. For those interested in reading more about love and approval, this book may be helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Need-Your-Love-Approval-Appreciation/dp/0307345300/ref=sr_1_1?crid=322ORA1TXW5FL&dchild=1&keywords=byron+katie+i+need+your+love+is+that+true&qid=1601223605&sprefix=byron+katie%2Caps%2C163&sr=8-1